LUISA OMIELAN - GOD IS A WOMAN
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"How different would the world be if women's stories had been included more in the Bible? Did you know that Adam had a first wife before Eve? Her name was Lilith and she left Adam because she wanted to do reverse cowgirl and he would only do missionary - they didn't mention THAT in the creation myth."
At a time of pandemics and global warming, we all turn to spirituality for hope and purpose, so let's hear about the true meaning of Christmas, Jesus and cunnilingus, courtesy of BAFTA breakthrough act winning Luisa Omielan - now that's a Sunday school we all would have stayed awake in!
Luisa has created a unique genre of comedy that's a heart-wrenching journey; part rave and part rally. Her shows are uplifting, thought provoking, ahead-of-the-times and damn funny. She counts Dawn French, Lenny Henry, Richard Curtis and Ruby Wax as super fans.
And yes, Luisa will be accompanied on stage by her partner in crime, Bernie - the funniest Bernese mountain dog on the block.
We're incredibly excited to be welcoming back a member of The Grand's extended family, as Luisa Omielan returns this Christmas - Bernie in tow, of course - to bring us all a much needed dose of hilarity at the end of a long, long year.
SEATING & TABLES PRICING & ALLOCATION
Due to physical distancing all tickets are sold in pairs & tables of 4 across The Stalls and The Circle. If the Upper Circle is open we can sell tickets in allocation of 1-4 people per group with unreserved seating. When you go to purchase your tickets you can see the area of the venue you are buying within and DICE will automatically allocated the best seats within that area.
TABLE SERVICE FOR DRINKS & FOOD
We will have a full drinks menu available with table service, alongside snacks (hmmm Monster Munch…) and hot food (burgers, nachos and hot dogs, with vegan options).
It's amazing for us to be able to get back open again to host events, but nothing is more important that your safety! We just wanted to let you know what measures we have in place to make sure you have a safe & brilliant time with us! 🎉
All our tickets are for groups/bubbles under 4 people 🎟
Physical distancing throughout the venue ⬅️ ➡️
Face masks until seated (we have spares if caught short!) 😷
Table service for drinks 🍾
ALL the anti-bac 🚰
Track & trace baby ✍️
Temp checks on entry! 🌡
Government approved pilot live show ✅
Following guidelines The Clapham Grand will be allowed to have performances after 10pm, if they start before 10pm, and our bars will stop serving at 10pm ⏰
By purchasing a ticket you are confirming that your group is from the same household or support bubble 🏠
Any questions at all hit us up - email@example.com - we're here to give you the safest & best night out! 👊
In the event of a show cancellation due to any Covid restrictions we will reschedule the event and transfer your tickets over. If we can’t reschedule we will give a full refund minus the booking fee.
SMOKING AREA & CLOAKROOM:
Unfortunately due to the nature of Covid Compliance we aren’t able to operate our Cloakroom so you will be required to keep coats and bags on you. Please don’t bring anything larger than a rucksack into the venue, if this is unavoidable please contact us in advance so we can make arrangements for you! Our smoking area opens an a hour after doors.
Due to distancing our toilets are limited in capacity, so please bear with us, especially during intervals if there is a queue.
Unfortunately we don’t have any parking at the venue, but we are opposite Clapham Junction Station, the busiest (and best) station in Europe. The cheapest parking available is at www.justpark.com in the station.
If you require assistant in accessing the venue please don’t hesitate to contact us in advance so we can make sure can facilitate this.
Our address is 21-25 St John’s Hill, SW11 1TT. We are directly opposite Clapham Junction Station (St John’s Hill exit side).
This is an 18+ show.
If you have any accessibility questions about coming here please visit our website here https://claphamgrand.com/accessibility/ & if you have any further questions don’t hesitate to get in touch.
ABOUT THE CLAPHAM GRAND
The Clapham Grand has been providing entertainment for 120 years, and is one of the UK’s oldest remaining Variety Halls. After a successful crowdfunder campaign to prevent permanent closure during Covid-19 we are beginning to open with a run of physically distanced events, which whilst operating at a loss gives as the chance to bring our staff back to work, time to rebuild out business model and most of all have you back to be entertained here again.
In 1900 we were built to give performers a stage and our customers an amazing night out, with everyone from Charlie Chaplin and Morecambe & Wise to Oasis and Bianca Del Rio performing, and we are incredibly grateful to be able to reopen and continue to do so.
Thank you so much for all your support so far, we can’t wait to have you back with us.
Presented by Gag Reflex.
This is an 18+ event (Photo ID required)